Movie Review -- 'Unfriended' is Cheap Teenage Horror
Posted by Ryan Sanderson on Monday, April 20, 2015 at 12:00 AM
By Ryan Sanderson / April 20, 2015
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The following chat conversation was recently leaked online from the Universal servers. It regards the initial pitch meeting between executives and the screenwriter for Unfriended...
StarvingWriter9432567 logged in
Writer:Â Hello? Hello? Is this thing working?UniversalSoldier1 logged in
Producer 1: Who is this? How did you get this email? Writer: Um… is this the 10:00 pitch meeting? I wrote a found footage horror movie. Producer 1: Oh right! As you know following the success of Paranormal Activity we are contractually obligated to meet with any Joe off the street as long as they're pitching an FFH. Writer: I am aware. That’s why people write them. Producer 1: Touche. Writer: Why are we meeting online again? Producer 1: Some people find my constant texting during meetings distracting. Writer: Makes sense. Producer 1: My colleague should be on his way.CrazyTrain42069 logged in
Producer 2: WASSUP! Producer 1: Jerry! Producer 2:  Let’s git r done! Producer 1: Classic! Writer:  So… Producer 1: Anyway, pitch us your bold new take on cinema verite! You have ten seconds to get our attention. Writer – I think you guys are really gonna like this. Producer 2:  I don’t think it matters. Producer 1: 8 seconds... Writer: Ahem. Okay, so… the entire film takes place online. Producer 1: All movies are online now. Do you think people actually go to the theater? The whole industry is basically just one big scam to get people to load up hard drives with ninety minute Pepsi commercials. Writer: No, I mean the film is a computer browser. All the action takes place with people talking on Skype or sending Facebook messages or watching Youtube videos. It will look something like this: Producer 1: So like all the things people do while watching a movie, but in the actual movie. Producer 2: That’s very meta Charlie Kaufman! Producer 1: Who? Producer 2: I don’t know. Producer 1:  I’m intrigued. You have another minute. Continue. Writer:  So there’s a group of teenagers who are all video chatting online. Producer 1:  Are they sending dick pics? Writer:  Not exactly… Producer 1: Cuz I’m pretty sure that’s what all the teenagers are doing these days. Producer 2: I do that. Writer: Well I mean they are posting some revealing stuff on there. And of course they’re sending each other secret messages. Things they wouldn’t want other people to see. But I think for the most part I keep it tasteful. Producer 1: We’ll workshop it. Anyways… Writer:  So years earlier the teenagers hazed a girl with videos online, and it wound up causing her to commit suicide. So on the two year anniversary of her death these friends are chatting and someone pops up, and it winds up being the dead girl back to seek revenge. Producer 2: Oh snap! Producer 1: How does she kill them through the computer? Writer: Well it starts with her just messaging them and sending them creepy videos and taking control of their iTunes. Producer 1: But how does that kill them? Writer:  Well... I mean... she just kills them. Producer 1:  Outside the computer? Writer:  Right... But we’re watching it on the computer! Producer 1: I love it. The secret life of American teens would be totally shocking to a modern audience! There are loads of opportunities for gratuitous sexual videos and violence. And imagine all the product placement!
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